Guides & Advice
Funerals are an opportunity for family, friends and others who knew the deceased, to show their respect and to say farewell.
Here is a brief guide to some frequently asked questions about attending a funeral.
A funeral service is usually available to anyone who knew the deceased, unless the family have instructed that it is a private ceremony and/or committal. Some families choose for the ceremony to be available to all mourners, but the burial to be private for immediate family and very close friends only.
Funerals are an opportunity for family, friends and others who knew the deceased, to show their respect and to say farewell.
Whilst black is a traditional colour representative of mourning, it has become much more popular to wear brightly coloured clothing.
It is usual to wear something smart, but comfortable and appropriate for the weather.
Many families refer to dress-code in their public announcements, whether in a local or national newspaper, or via social media. They may ask mourners to wear an item of clothing in a certain colour, or a football shirt in celebration of the life of their loved one.
It is usual for mourners to be seated before the funeral cortege arrives, and for immediate family and close friends to follow as the coffin is being carried into the venue.
Usually, the family and very close friends of the deceased are seated in the very first or first few rows. Often, there are ‘reserved’ markers on the seats or pews to indicate this.
In a large venue, it is helpful to then fill the remaining rows, rather than heading straight to the back. This will reduce the likelihood of unfilled rows near to the family at the front, and difficulty with the Officiants voice reaching the back of the venue.
Details may be included in a public announcement, which may indicate family flowers only, floral tributes welcome from all, donations in lieu of flowers, or your choice of flowers or a donation to the family’s chosen charity.
Usually, you would order a floral tribute with your chosen florist, provide them with the name of the deceased, name of the funeral home, and date and time of the funeral service.
The florist then arranges to deliver them to us at Balmoral Road.
Floral tributes delivered to us are transported in the hearse to the service venue on the day of the funeral.
Our recommended Florists are:
Perkins of Duston
Secret Garden, East Hunsbury
Homelands, Kingsthorpe
Tony Jones, Northampton
Alternatively, you may consider sending condolence flowers to the family after the funeral, to show that they are in your thoughts
Children can attend funerals at the discretion of their parents, unless the family of the deceased has expressed a preference.
The decision of whether children should attend, can often depend on the age of the child, and their relationship to the deceased.
Many parents choose not to take babies or toddlers to a funeral, as it may be difficult to keep them content, particularly during a long service.
If you are planning to take an older child to the funeral, it may be helpful to prepare them with what to expect.
Talking to your child about death can be difficult, and it is natural to want to protect them from upset and distress. Helping your child to say goodbye could include them writing a letter or card, allowing them to share their individual thoughts and feelings – their own personal goodbye. You could bring this in to be placed into the coffin or it could be kept as a special memory keepsake.
The person who has arranged the funeral will usually decide if there are any limousines to follow the hearse, who will travel in the limousines, and where the cortege will leave from.
It can be difficult to find the words to express feelings when writing a sympathy card, media/text/tribute message.
Here are some examples as inspiration for your personal message.
‘My/Our heartfelt condolences to you and the family on the passing of (name). They will be remembered with fondness and dearly missed’.
‘You are in our hearts and prayers. Sending our deepest sympathy for your loss’.
My/Our heart goes out to you on hearing the sad news of your loved one’s passing. May they rest in eternal peace’.
‘Praying for your peace and comfort during this difficult time’.
‘I am thinking of you and your family with love and want you to know that I’m here for you. (name) will forever be my treasured friend’.
‘I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear husband, (name). Sending my warmest condolences to you at this difficult time’.
‘It won’t be the same without (name), he always made us laugh, and we have so many good memories of him. Our deepest sympathies to you and your family from all at (workplace/sports club/pub).’
‘In heartfelt memory of your loving wife (name). Holding you close in my thoughts and prayers.’
“My/Our deepest condolences on the unforeseen passing of your son/daughter (name). Their strength and courage will always be remembered. May their memory inspire others.’
‘I/We hope cherished memories of (name) and the love of those around you will bring strength and comfort in the days ahead. Thinking of you.’
‘I/We are deeply saddened to hear about the loss of your beloved (name). May their spirit find peace, and may you find comfort in precious memories’.
‘Words cannot take away the pain of your loss, but please know you are in my thoughts. May (name)’s soul rest in eternal peace’.